Friday, June 23, 2017

Do Women Treat Daughters and Daughters-in-Law Differently...?

Sometime ago  I met a lady at a family get-together. 

The lady’s daughter-in-law was dutifully following her all around – like the lamb in the nursery rhyme Mary Had a Little Lamb  

“Of course my son and daughter-in-law stay with me in our house I believe in the Joint Family System...” the lady said – when someone asked the lady where her daughter-in-law lived. 

A few minutes later  I met the lady’s daughter and her husband (son-in-law of the lady).

I knew her in-laws – they lived in Sadashiv Peth. 

I asked the lady’s daughter: 

“So – how is Sadashiv Peth...? I lived there in the 1960s when I was a small boy...” 

“I don’t live in Sadashiv Peth  I live in Aundh...” the lady’s daughter said. 

“Oh – so your in-laws have shifted to Aundh...?” I asked. 

“No – my in-laws stay in the same old bungalow in Sadashiv Peth – but I stay with my husband in our flat in Aundh...” she said. 

Later – I asked the lady: 

“So your daughter doesn’t stay with her in-laws...?” 

“No. No. My daughter lives in her flat in Aundh. I advised my daughter to stay separately – so she can enjoy her freedom – her in-laws are very old-fashioned – especially her mother-in-law – she will make my daughter’s life hell...” the lady said. 

I smiled to myself at her double-standards and hypocrisy: 

The Joint Family System was good for her daughter-in-law 

but 

The same Joint Family System was not good for her daughter

And – I remembered a story I had written sometime ago.

Sometimes – Truth is stranger than Fiction – or rather – there is a very thin line between truth and fiction.

Read on...

JOINT FAMILY versus NUCLEAR FAMILY 
HYPOCRISY – A Story of Double Standards
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Part 1

JOINT FAMILY

“Is everything okay...? You don’t look well...” I said to the “Techie” girl in my office.

“I am okay, Sir – I am just feeling tired, that’s all...” she said.

“Tired…? Well – work has just begun…”

“My tiredness is not work-related, Sir…”

“Tell me – what is the matter…?” 

She said: 

“Sir – for me – it’s the long commute to work that wears me out – it takes me nearly 2 hours to get here to Hinjewadi from Kharadi.

And Sir – in the evening – you know how bad the rush hour traffic is in Pune – it sometimes takes me 3 hours to get home. 

And then – even at home – there is so much work to do in the house – cooking, housework etc 

I have to cook in the morning – and then again in the evening – sometimes I feel that I will collapse due to the exhaustion…” 

I said:

“Why don’t you shift nearby…? 

There are plenty of flats available in Wakad – just a 10 minute drive from Hinjewadi. 

You will easily get a good 2 BHK flat on rent well within your HRA – and it will be convenient for your husband too – his factory in Chinchwad is also a 10 minute drive from Wakad. 

In fact – there are some flats available for rental in my society – I will ask around – or – if you want – you can even buy your own flat in Wakad – I will find out…” 

She said: 

“Thank you, Sir – but my mother-in-law will not allow us to stay separately…” 

“Really…? Why…?” I asked her. 

She said: 

“Sir – my mother-in-law says that she believes in the Joint Family System…”


Part 2

NUCLEAR FAMILY

Three years later – I met the same mother-in-law – yes – the very same mother-in-law of my erstwhile “Techie” colleague.

She was the same woman who believed in the Joint Family System.

By the way – I had changed my job – and – I was now working for another “IT Software Company” – also located in Hinjewadi.

Call it coincidence – but the woman’s daughter had recently joined my new company.

And – like her daughter-in-law – her daughter was also a “Techie”.  

It was the company anniversary function.

The woman’s “Techie” daughter had come along with her husband – and she had also brought her mother and father along. 

The woman smiled at me. 

(She was the same woman who was the mother-in-law of my earlier colleague – and  the mother of my present colleague) 

I introduced myself. 

I told the woman that I had earlier worked with her daughter-in-law in my previous office. 

I said to the woman:

“So – like your daughter-in-law  your daughter too must be having a tough time commuting to work to Hinjewadi from the city every day…” 

The woman said: 

“No – my daughter lives in Wakad…” 

I said: 

“Oh – your daughter lives nearby in Wakad...? 

So  her in-laws” – your daughter’s in-laws – they live in Wakad – is it...? 

The woman said: 

“No – her in-laws live in their house in Model Colony – which is too far from her office…” 

I was baffled.

The woman made her daughter-in-law commute every day from Kharadi – which was 30 kilometers away from Hinjewadi – whereas Model Colony was only 15 Kilometers from Hinjewadi. 

Yes – Kharadi was much further away from Hinjewadi – than Model Colony – where her daughter’s in-laws lived. 

So – I said to the woman:

“Model Colony is not that far away from Hinjewadi…”  

The woman said: 

“Actually – it is not that. 

I did not want my daughter to stay with her in-laws – they are too old-fashioned

So – so I told my daughter and her husband to buy their own flat and stay separately…” 

Surprised at her answer – I said to the woman:

“But – I thought that you believed in the Joint Family System 

Didn’t you make your daughter-in-law stay with you as a Joint Family…?” 

The woman said: 

“That is different…” 

I was astonished  so I asked the woman: 

“Different…? 

What do you mean different…? 

You force your daughter-in-law to stay with you as a Joint Family” 

But – you tell your daughter to live separately from her in-laws as a Nuclear Family…? 

I just don’t understand your views. 

Do you believe in the Joint Family System”...? 

Or – do you believe in the Nuclear Family System...?

Please tell me clearly – do you believe in Joint Family System” or Nuclear Family System...? 

The woman said to me:

“You won’t understand these things…” 

And – she quickly walked away. 


EPILOGUE 

Yes – I don’t understand these things – I just don’t understand the hypocrisy.

As a mother-in-law” – she believed in the Joint Family System” 

She wanted her daughter-in-law” to live under her command – and – she expected her daughter-in-law” to serve her... 

She did not want to give her daughter-in-law” any freedom...

But – as a mother – she believed in the Nuclear Family System” 

She wanted her daughter to live separately from her in-laws

She wanted her daughter to enjoy her freedom ...

I don’t understand why women have double standards – one yardstick their daughters-in-law – and  another yardstick for their own daughters. 

Dear Reader: 

Please tell us what you have observed around you. 

Do Women treat Daughters and Daughters-in-Law differently...? 

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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Disclaimer:
1. This fiction story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Abridged and Revised Version of my Story HYPOCRISY posted online earlier by me Vikram Karve on January 25, 2016 in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/01/hypocrisy.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/02/joint-family-versus-nuclear-family.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/06/family-humor-joint-family-versus.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/03/mother-and-mother-in-law-dr-jekyll-and.html

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